Therapy for parentified daughters of emotionally immature mothers.
Parentification happens when a child takes on emotional or practical responsibilities that belong to a parent. If you grew up managing your mother's emotions, caring for siblings, feeling responsible for keeping the peace, or believing your needs came second, therapy can help you understand those patterns and build healthier boundaries.

“Your relationship with your mother feels so confusing, and you just can’t figure out why.”

Maybe you relate:

• You look at the relationship your friends have with their moms and you feel jealous, envious, or sad. 

• When you think about your mom, you feel deeply responsible for her emotions. 

• You feel an emptiness in the pit of your stomach when you think about your childhood. 

• You miss your mom, but dread talking to her. 

• Growing up, your mother’s mood determined how the day was going to go. 

• When times are difficult, you want to call your mom but you have to plan how you’re going to talk to her. 

• Growing up, you knew the sound of your mother’s footsteps. 

• You have a hard time feeling like you are allowed to take up space. 

• You feel both love and fear towards your mother. 

• You answer the phone with “what’s wrong?” or “are you okay?” 

• You feel a need for reassurance in your relationships 

• You want to raise your kids differently than how you were raised, and maybe you can’t name why. 

• You often felt like you had to fix your mother’s life or protect her.

• You are/were your mom’s best friend. 

• You knew a lot more about your mom’s social/romantic/financial life than your friends knew about theirs. 

• You didn’t learn some basic life skills until someone besides your mom taught them to you. 

• You didn’t feel you could go to your mom with your problems. 

• Growing up, you didn’t want to burden your mother. 

• Your mother had a substance use dependence when you were younger, or still does. 

• Your mother expects you to drop everything for her. 

• Growing up, your needs were less important than your moms. Perhaps you see this in your relationships now. 

• You were a main caregiver to your siblings. 

• You look at your mom and see a little girl that has to be taken care of. 

What we do in session:

We identify the complicated feelings that come with being a parentified daughter. We incorporate attachment focused healing and look at all the ways you had to survive as a child. We explore how things could have been different. We examine the potential for boundaries and the grief that comes with what you missed out on as a child. We practice enforcing boundaries, and building a relationship built on what is safe for you now. We discover what can be done differently in your relationships now. We create a space for you to openly express the feelings you have toward your mother. We recognize that many things can be true at once, and that you filling the role of child does not mean you’re abandoning her. We hold empathy for her (if that feels accessible and important) while prioritizing your needs.

What feeling better can look like:

You can look at your mother as a separate person from you. You no longer feel responsible for her happiness and calm. You have boundaries in place with her. You can acknowledge the myriad ways you can love her both closely and from a distance while standing firmly with your own needs. You no longer need to be everyone’s mom if that is not what you want. You can confront how you feel about her honestly, and with an open heart for yourself.