Therapy for parentified daughters of emotionally immature mothers.

Parentification happens when a child takes on emotional or practical responsibilities that belong to a parent. If you grew up managing your mother’s moods, caring for siblings, keeping the peace, or believing your needs came second, therapy can help you understand those patterns, grieve what you missed, and build boundaries that fit your life now.

What does “emotionally immature” mean?
It’s a popular term, not a diagnosis. It usually describes a parent who is unpredictable, self-focused, or unable to handle feelings, theirs or yours. It doesn’t mean your mother didn’t love you or try her best. It’s just that sometimes love isn’t enough. You don’t have to feel guilty for feeling this way. You’re not bad. You’re hurt.

You might relate if:
Growing up

• Your mother’s mood decided how the day would go, and you knew the sound of her footsteps

• You became her confidante, caretaker, or best friend, and knew more about her romantic and financial life than your friends knew about their moms’

• You didn’t feel you could bring her your problems, and you didn’t want to burden her

• You were a main caregiver to your siblings

• You didn’t learn some basic life skills until someone other than your mom taught you

• Your mother struggled with substance use, now or when you were younger

Now

• You answer the phone with “what’s wrong?” or “are you okay?”

• You miss your mom but dread talking to her, and plan what you’ll say before you call

• You feel jealous, envious, or sad when you see your friends’ relationships with their mothers

• You feel both love and fear toward her, and deeply responsible for her emotions

• She expects you to drop everything, and you do

• You look at her and see a little girl who has to be taken care of

In your day-to-day life

• You have a hard time feeling you’re allowed to take up space

• You need reassurance in your relationships

• You want to raise your kids differently, or have decided not to have any

• You feel a sense of push and pull when people try to get close to you

I’m Gina Sacino, MS, LCAT, a Licensed Creative Arts Therapist in Rochester, NY, providing virtual therapy throughout New York State.

What we do in session
I’m warm, direct, and relational, with a little humor, and we go at your pace. Together we:

• Name the complicated feelings that come with being a parentified daughter, including the anger and the guilt about the anger

• Look at the ways you had to survive as a child, using an attachment-focused lens

• Grieve what you missed and explore how things could have been different

• Practice boundaries and build a relationship with her that is based on what’s safe for you now

• Create room to say honestly how you feel about your mother

• Hold empathy for her, if that feels accessible and important to you, while putting your own needs first

Many things can be true at once. Stepping out of the caretaker role doesn’t mean you’re abandoning her.

Therapy for parentification
You were handed adult responsibilities before you could say no. We start with what you carried and what it cost.

Therapy for daughters who had to take care of their mothers
Caring for a parent as a child can leave you feeling responsible for her happiness well into adulthood. We work on letting you be her daughter again, not her caretaker.

Therapy for adult women with hard relationships with their mothers
Love, resentment, guilt, and grief can all show up in one phone call. You don’t have to pick one, and you don’t have to cut anyone off to take care of yourself.

What feeling better can look like

You see your mother as a separate person from you. You no longer feel responsible for her happiness and calm. You have boundaries in place, and you can love her closely or from a distance while standing firmly with your own needs. You’re not everyone’s mom unless you want to be. You face how you feel about her honestly, with an open heart for yourself.